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Being a wrestling fan isn't easy, but someone has to do it. That's why we created Ask the Mask, a regular advice column for our fans. In Ask the Mask, you can get personal advice and psychological pointers from the wrestler who is almost certainly saner than a corrugated iron tank packed with brain-diseased howler monkeys high on cheap Russian methamphetamine rolling down a mountainside - Super Crimson Mask. Super Crimson has taken many strange journeys into dark corners of the mind. We feel the insights he has obtained from the shadow side of human nature make him uniquely qualified to provide advice and counseling to AWF fans. Super Crimson is in touch with his own pain, and now he'd like to help you get in touch with yours. You can email us on info@awfwrestling.com.au with your questions about love, relationships, feelings, manners, diet and exercise, or even wrestling. No problem is too big, too small or, especially, too funny. Each week, we'll pass your questions down to Super Crimson in his cell underneath the basement here at AWF Towers, and post his answers on the site (or at least as much sense as we can make of his ravings). Ask the Mask - because life's too short not to put on a boiler suit, a hockey mask, and feast on the quivering brains of the living. (P.s. - it's probably best not to mention where you live. We can't keep him locked up forever).

Mr Mask,
My daughter wants to get some cosmetic surgery, but I don't want to let her. She says that all the popular girls at school have had 'make-overs' and I am standing in her way of being popular. She is 16. Mr Mask what do you think about teenagers having cosmetic surgery? She is a big wrestling fan and will listen to what you say.
Concerned Mum, Cheltenham

Super Crimson does not approve of any form of cosmetic surgery for the young. Botox ruins the flavour of the delicate flesh, and silicone implants tend to get caught between the teeth. You might want to put your daughter back in the cellar before she gets any more funny ideas (or perhaps in Super Crimson's cellar. Yeah).

Dear Ask the Mask,
I get bullied a lot at school and they call me names. I want to know how to defend myself. Can you give me some tips?
- Barry

Super Crimson usually eats the left-overs the next day, so he doesn't have any of the tips left. Also, they wouldn't travel well in the mail.

Dear Crimson,
You wrestlers seem to be in pretty good shape. I'd like to get big and strong. What sort of training program do you have? - J. Naylor

Being a hideously deformed psycho cannibal axe-murderer isn't easy, but it has to be done. To stay in shape, Super Crimson follows a strict regime of daily exercise, seizures, and excessive violence. Here is a sample of a typical training day:

Wake up loaded with chains, buried in a shallow grave with rats gnawing your flesh. To warm up and stretch, claw your way through the earth, break your chains and eat the rats (never pass up a chance for some extra protein).

Morning aerobics: chasing screaming teenagers through an abandoned abattoir while weilding a chainsaw (some of these kids can really move - choose overweight ones to start with. They're also less likely to be missed).

Afternoon: tanning. Bathe in the toxic byproduct of a gamma ray machine (check out your local neighbourhood secret Government laboratory and don't listen to their denials). Gamma radiation gives the skin that attractive greenish tinge, and helps pull Goth chicks.

Evening: strength training - headbutting cars uphill. (Don't worry about the scarring - your forehead will develop some nice calluses eventually, and in the meantime it makes you look mysterious and interesting. You can always avoid public places. Actually, if you're going to get serious about this program you should probably avoid public places anyway).

A good diet is obviously crucial to the success of any training regimen, and that's what tag team partners are for. Super Crimson recommends you start with cruiserweights (or even minis if you are small to begin with) and work your way up to heavyweights. To avoid running low, it's probably best to keep a few in reserve, chained up in the cellar. (You do have a cellar under your house, don't you? You seem like the kind of guy who would have a cellar under his house). For between meals, just sip on a protein shake. The most important thing for protein shakes is an industrial-grade woodchipper. (You have seen Fargo, haven't you? You seem like the kind of guy who would have seen Fargo. Lots of times).